Let's Play

[nokatchin]

LMAO @ flatbottom

[Hogie70]

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning the husband returns after several
hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although
not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take
the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors,
and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says,
"Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think.

[Hogie70]

Married life

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.' 'Where are you going, Coochy Coo?' asked the wife.I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face,' he answered. I'm going to have a beer.'The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, Lollipop ... but at the bar... You know. They have frozen glasses... 'He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, 'You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?' She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be! Right back. I promise. OK?''You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.'But my sweet honey... at the bar. You know there are swearing, dirty words and all that...''You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN ****! SIT YOUR *** DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED *** ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR! THAT **** IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?' and....they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?

[Hogie70]

There was a German, an Italian and Boudreaux on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:

1. to be shot

2. to be hung

3. to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.


So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head."

Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me."

Snap! he was dead.


Then Boudreaux said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff."

They gave him the shot, and Boudreaux fell down laughing.

The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.


Then Boudreaux said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally the warden said, "What's wrong with you?"

Boudreaux replied,


"You guys are so stupid..... I'm wearing a condom."

[WestEndAngler]

LMAO @ Hogie (newly wed joke)

[flatbottom]

Keep em comming

I need the laugh today,

[nokatchin]

while were on the subject: 3 old men are talking. one says "i'm 78 years old and every morning at exactly 7:00 i take a nice long healthy pee and i feel great." the second guy says "i'm 87 years old and every morning at exactly 7:45 i take a nice long healthy crap, and i'm ready to take on the day" the third guy says "i'm 98 years old and every morning at exactly 7:20 i take a nice long healthy pee. then at exactly 7:50 i take a nice long healthy crap, but i have never been more misreable." "why" ask the other two. the third man says "because i don't wake up until 9."

[Hogie70]

Good one nokatchin

An old man is bank fishing. He is catching nothing but solid throwbacks… He has a washtub on the bank full of water he is throwing the fish in… The Game Warden pulls up, does his usual checks, and finds the washtub full of under sized fish… The warden asks what this is in the washtub… The old man says those are my pet fish… I bring them out with me and let them swim around while I fish… Then when I whistle they come back and I put them back in the washtub… Blown away with what this old man just said… The Game Warden told the old man I have heard a lot of stories & excuses from the best of the best,,, But I have never heard nothing comparing to the story you just told… The old man said it is not a story; it is the stone cold truth… The Game Warden said you take that tub and empty those fish a whistle and bring them back and I want write you a ticket… The old man emptied the washtub and all of the fish swam off… The old man started loading up his truck packing to leave… The Game Warden said all right bring them back… The old man said excuses me… The Game Warden said back your pet fish… The old man said what fish…?

[FP10]

Ok so a guy starts to back up a trailer in Seabrook.......

[FlatoutFishin]

Ok so a guy starts to back up a trailer in Seabrook.......

You keep it up and you're just asking for that vid to be reposted!

[Hogie70]

Finish The Story Never Mind I Will

Ok so a guy starts to back up a trailer in Seabrook.......

In addition, he could not back it down to save his life... However, there was a nice angler that was fishing on the boat dock in 2" of water with dead skrimps came to the rescue... He back down the trailer for the rookie and they all lived happily ever after… LMAO

[FP10]

not quite. Chip backed it up.

[RonE]

Ole Buckwheat, the colored boy on that old show Little Rascals made the news the other day. He became a Muslum and changed his name from Buckwheat to Kareem of Wheat.

[Kent St Skiff]

sorry it is a little long

An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."
A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ***?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to."


There are two lessons for us all here:

Don't waste ammunition.
Don't mess with old people.