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Here is a set of rules I came up with when my Daughter turned 15. I gave a copy of them to every guy she brought home. I only saw most of them once........
Thought some of y'all could put these to good use.
Derek's Rules for Dating My Daughter
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: As you stand in my doorway, waiting for my daughter to appear, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that all women undertake and real men understand. Instead of just standing around fidgeting, do something useful, like changing the oil in my truck or mowing my yard?
Rule Three: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them permanently.
Rule Four: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I have an electric nail gun, super glue and duct tape and will fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Five: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Six: When addressing me it will be Sir, and you will not use any of those hip or cool terms you young people use to converse amongst yourselves. I speak United States for crying out loud and you are expected to do the same in my presents. You will not attempt any small talk with me as the only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Seven: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme must be avoided; movies which features chain saws, knives, guns and blood are okay. Football or Baseball games are okay. An Old folks home or Church are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and four acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for an armored personnel carrier coming in over a sand dune near Baghdad. When my Post Combat Syndrome starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. In a clear voice speak the perimeter password, once recognized announce you have returned my daughter home safely and early as ordered. Salute, perform and about face and return to your car - There is no need for you to come inside! The camouflaged face at the window and the laser sight on your chest are mine.
Thought some of y'all could put these to good use.
Derek's Rules for Dating My Daughter
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: As you stand in my doorway, waiting for my daughter to appear, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that all women undertake and real men understand. Instead of just standing around fidgeting, do something useful, like changing the oil in my truck or mowing my yard?
Rule Three: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them permanently.
Rule Four: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I have an electric nail gun, super glue and duct tape and will fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Five: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Six: When addressing me it will be Sir, and you will not use any of those hip or cool terms you young people use to converse amongst yourselves. I speak United States for crying out loud and you are expected to do the same in my presents. You will not attempt any small talk with me as the only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Seven: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme must be avoided; movies which features chain saws, knives, guns and blood are okay. Football or Baseball games are okay. An Old folks home or Church are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and four acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for an armored personnel carrier coming in over a sand dune near Baghdad. When my Post Combat Syndrome starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. In a clear voice speak the perimeter password, once recognized announce you have returned my daughter home safely and early as ordered. Salute, perform and about face and return to your car - There is no need for you to come inside! The camouflaged face at the window and the laser sight on your chest are mine.
LIVIN THE SALT LIFE 
Free advice for cold beer !
One of them told my daughter "Your dad is a fool, if he tried any of that $hit on me I'd kick his @ss". She just laughed and made him bring her home, then told him "I don't date stupit guys with suicidal tendencies." Needless to say I got a good laugh out of that one....
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