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Remember when you were a kid and you heard things a little different than you should have? Here are a couple I always remember from my childhood and my brother's.
In kindergarten they taught us the Pledge of Allegiance. I was immediately against being forced to say this. I mean, I didn't even like liver and onions. I could not grasp why anyone would want liver tea and justice for all. We fought wars to keep this right? Men died securing our freedom to have this? Heck, I remember walking in from playing outside and smelling liver and getting into trouble on purpose so I got sent to my room without dinner. I was not going to do this Pledge of Allegiance thing. Liver sucked! I was very much questioning my country's right to exist in a free society.
I'm still in Kindergarten and we're getting ready for Christmas break. The teacher was leading a discussion about what all everyone was doing on vacation. My dad had a business trip right before Christmas and I had heard him talking about going up to St. Louis to work with Schlumberger. Of course I misheard this and cheerfully told my teacher that my daddy was going out of town to work with lingerie. When you say the two, they sound similar. That was an interesting phone call for my mom that evening. Not as interesting as the time I told the teacher that her boobs were a lot smaller than my grandmother's, but they were shaped better, more like my mom's. Seemed like a perfectly good compliment to me. Then there was the lunch time argument between my best friend and I over which beer was the best, Dixie or Schlitz. She was a Schlitz girl, and I a Dixie boy. Apparently to a lady from Michigan, this was an odd conversation for 5 year olds to be having.
Ah, Christmas time. The smell of the tree, the cat jumping in the tree and knocking it over, Dad threatening to kill the cat. The dogs eating tinsel and leaving sparkly poop in the yard . . . . . Well, back to the subject. I always loved Christmas carols. Rudolph and Frosty were fun, Oh Holy Night was powerful, and Silent Night was . . . . well, it was beautiful . . . . until it got to the part about, "Sleep in heavenly peas." I knew I didn't like peas, and I knew I didn't like Heavenly Hash. How could peas ever be heavenly? If Heavenly Hash was so bad, maybe Heaven isn't so good either. It really gave me quite a theological complex, all before the age of 6. Beyond the taste of peas, which I actually like very much these days, I still have the mental image of the baby Jesus sleeping in peas. Why would anyone consider this an inviting situation? How could you sleep in all that wet mush? What kind of Saviour is this who sleeps in bad food? It's a wonder I'm still a Christian. LOL.
I wasn't the only one with a problem with Silent Night. My brother was tasked in 1st grade with creating a Nativity scene out of clay. When he was finished, he presented it in class. My dad was in attendance and tells the story every year. I hadn't been born yet. So the teacher was coaxing my brother to tell the class who everyone was in the scene . . ., "And is this the Virgin Mary? Uh-huh. And is this Joseph? Uh-huh. And is this the baby Jesus? Uh-huh." etc. Finally she asks who the really fat man is standing near the donkey. My brother says, "That's Round John Virgin." Of course the parents erupted in laughter. Even the teacher couldn't keep a straight face.
There are a lot more, but it's late. Anyone remember their faux pas and mishearings of their youth? Please share. - Sandy
In kindergarten they taught us the Pledge of Allegiance. I was immediately against being forced to say this. I mean, I didn't even like liver and onions. I could not grasp why anyone would want liver tea and justice for all. We fought wars to keep this right? Men died securing our freedom to have this? Heck, I remember walking in from playing outside and smelling liver and getting into trouble on purpose so I got sent to my room without dinner. I was not going to do this Pledge of Allegiance thing. Liver sucked! I was very much questioning my country's right to exist in a free society.
I'm still in Kindergarten and we're getting ready for Christmas break. The teacher was leading a discussion about what all everyone was doing on vacation. My dad had a business trip right before Christmas and I had heard him talking about going up to St. Louis to work with Schlumberger. Of course I misheard this and cheerfully told my teacher that my daddy was going out of town to work with lingerie. When you say the two, they sound similar. That was an interesting phone call for my mom that evening. Not as interesting as the time I told the teacher that her boobs were a lot smaller than my grandmother's, but they were shaped better, more like my mom's. Seemed like a perfectly good compliment to me. Then there was the lunch time argument between my best friend and I over which beer was the best, Dixie or Schlitz. She was a Schlitz girl, and I a Dixie boy. Apparently to a lady from Michigan, this was an odd conversation for 5 year olds to be having.
Ah, Christmas time. The smell of the tree, the cat jumping in the tree and knocking it over, Dad threatening to kill the cat. The dogs eating tinsel and leaving sparkly poop in the yard . . . . . Well, back to the subject. I always loved Christmas carols. Rudolph and Frosty were fun, Oh Holy Night was powerful, and Silent Night was . . . . well, it was beautiful . . . . until it got to the part about, "Sleep in heavenly peas." I knew I didn't like peas, and I knew I didn't like Heavenly Hash. How could peas ever be heavenly? If Heavenly Hash was so bad, maybe Heaven isn't so good either. It really gave me quite a theological complex, all before the age of 6. Beyond the taste of peas, which I actually like very much these days, I still have the mental image of the baby Jesus sleeping in peas. Why would anyone consider this an inviting situation? How could you sleep in all that wet mush? What kind of Saviour is this who sleeps in bad food? It's a wonder I'm still a Christian. LOL.
I wasn't the only one with a problem with Silent Night. My brother was tasked in 1st grade with creating a Nativity scene out of clay. When he was finished, he presented it in class. My dad was in attendance and tells the story every year. I hadn't been born yet. So the teacher was coaxing my brother to tell the class who everyone was in the scene . . ., "And is this the Virgin Mary? Uh-huh. And is this Joseph? Uh-huh. And is this the baby Jesus? Uh-huh." etc. Finally she asks who the really fat man is standing near the donkey. My brother says, "That's Round John Virgin." Of course the parents erupted in laughter. Even the teacher couldn't keep a straight face.
There are a lot more, but it's late. Anyone remember their faux pas and mishearings of their youth? Please share. - Sandy
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