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I'm Older and Wiser
Getting older and wiser has it benefits. It makes you think, especially in today's tumultuous times where 4% of the population controls the rest, Muslims are considered 'nice people' and thugs are "good folks, just not helped enough by our Government"-sort of like trophies for losing given to kids. No rewards for 'doing right' only attacks by the overcharged P.C. Crowd, like Black Lives Matter movement threatening death to Police is 'acceptable'.
So I made a few changes and observations to pass along to you all:
*I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now! *
*You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If she is holding a gun, she's probably angry.*
*Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.*
*You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.*
*I don't like making plans for the day because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.*
*I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.*
*I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.*
*Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet...*
*Old age is coming at a really bad time!*
*When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment... now, as a grownup, it just feels like a small vacation!*
*The biggest lie I tell myself is... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."*
*I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.*
*Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.*
*If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.*
*Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?*
*Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.*
*At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.*
So I made a few changes and observations to pass along to you all:*I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now! *
*You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If she is holding a gun, she's probably angry.*
*Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.*
*You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.*
*I don't like making plans for the day because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.*
*I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.*
*I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.*
*Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet...*
*Old age is coming at a really bad time!*
*When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment... now, as a grownup, it just feels like a small vacation!*
*The biggest lie I tell myself is... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."*
*I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.*
*Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.*
*If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.*
*Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?*
*Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.*
*At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.*
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